Yesterday, I was looking at my TV Guide, and I saw something that caught my eye:
Tonight ONLY! A LOST EPISODE OF BARNEY AND FRIENDS. FIRST AND ONLY CHANCE TO SEE IT! AIRS AT 7:00!
Naturally, I asked my kids if they wanted to see it. Obviously, they said, "Yes." I got the popcorn ready. They love to eat popcorn while watching Barney.
When the time finally arrived, they ran into the living room, turned on the TV, and sat down on the couch with me. It started, the theme music playing.
However, something wasn't right.
For starters, I could vaguely hear whispering during the music, and it sounded creepy. I shrugged it off, assuring myself that it was just my imagination. Anyway, the episode began like it always does, with the kids talking about something while holding a doll version of barney. Then, POOF! He comes to life, giggling like an idiot. He started speaking, and I turned it up slightly so we could hear it.
Barney sounded slightly weird, as if two people were talking at once: one with his normal voice, and another that sounded....demonic, to say the least. I tried to ignore it. That's when I heard Barney say, "Hi, kids. (childish giggling) Today, I'm going to teach you about....DEATH!"
I nearly fell out of my seat when I heard that. I wanted to turn it off, but for some reason, I..I couldn't. The show kept going.
Child 1: What's death, Barney?
Barney: This is. (His face suddenly turns angry, and he grows teeth. He laughs evilly, and he bites the poor child's head off)
For some reason, my children kept watching, not affected by the obviously disturbing stuff going on. Barney then proceeded to kill all of the children one by one, each time roaring. The children at this point started to run away from barney, screaming and crying for their parents to save them.
Barney just chuckled, and said in a demonic voice, "Mommy and daddy can't help you!" And he bit the helpless children in half, eating their brains and stomachs. Then, the green girl dinosaur and the yellow dinosaur came in, apparently not noticing the dead children.
"Well, Barney," the green one said. "What did we learn today?" Barney grinned an evil grin and said directly to the camera.
Remember, Kiddies. Don't bother locking your doors and hiding under the bed, because, sooner or later, I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU ALL! (demonic laughter)
The rest of the damn episode showed a distorted picture of Barney, with a blood-curdling scream. That was the last straw. I reached for the remote, and turned it off. I looked to my left, and I realized that my children were nowhere to be seen. Thinking that they already ran into their room, I went in there. However, I didn't find them. That's when a voice behind me said "It's too late, Steven. I've already killed them. And now, I'm going to kill you."
I turned around to see a demonic, blood covered Barney slowly walking towards me. Even while he killed me, he still sang that FUCKING SONG!
"I LOVE YOU.....YOU LOVE ME.....WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY....."