I love the Loud House I mean who doesn't? But one day I saw something so disturbing that it changed my life forever.
So one day, I was walking down the street with my husband Mr Slade, and we stumbled across a Loud House DVD entitled Lincoln Dies At Last. "What the hell is this?" I asked. "Let's watch it, and find out." Slade suggested before he got hit by a double decker bus.
I took the DVD to my rundown shed in Aberdeen, and placed the disc into my dvd player. I made some popcorn in the kitchen while it loaded up.
The DVD showed no commercials instead cutting straight to a menu which showed an outside view of the Loud House while an instrumental version of the main theme played in the background. There was 50 bloody options to choose from, and I clicked the top one which read 'play episode.'
The episode started with the main theme only it was incredibly slow, and was playing in 0.25x speed, Lincoln's hair was even greyier than usual, and Lori had big red........... eyes. I vomited because I had a bad stomach because Slade had put laxatives in my daily protein shake.
The title card then appeared it read "Lincoln Loud Dies At Last", and it showed Lincoln on the floor dead, with gunshots all over his body. 'Shit this is bad.' I said as leaned over to turn my TV off, but it wouldn't turn off. Oh sugar honey ice tea! Then Hitler came in through my ceiling, and said, "you must watch or you will be washed!" I had no other choice than to watch the episode.
The episode started with Lincoln getting out of bed, and talking about how he has a big day planned with Clyde. He heads downstairs to the front door only to be stopped by his father Lynn Sr who now had a Hitler moustache. "Where do you think you're going young man?" Lynn Sr asked. "To see Clyde." Lincoln explained only to get his face smashed in by Lynn Sr's boot. "Not until you've scrubbed the floor!" He yelled, as Lincoln made his way into the kitchen to get a sponge to wipe the floor with.
Then Leni came downstairs, and asked, "Dad I need to go the mall!" Lynn Sr nodded, and grabbed Lincoln by the neck, throwing him out of the window. Somehow, Lincoln was able to crash through the windshield of Vanzilla landing himself in the driver's seat. Then Leni got into the van with Lincoln, as Lori then burst through the door with a shotgun yelling, "Lincoln that's my fucking van give it back!" Then she started chasing Vanzilla, as Lincoln drove his way towards the Royal Woods Mall.
Inside the van, Leni died, but then came back to life, and Lincoln's head went upside down, and then back to normal. 'What the heck is going on?' I thought to myself as Hitler began sucking on the TV.
Vanzilla crashed through the windows of the mall, as Lincoln didn't how to drive, and he ran over everyone in sight including Clyde's Dads and Mrs Johnson. Even Ronnie Anne was there, and she was killed too. Also all the characters in the mall had Hitler moustaches, and Nazi symbols were placed all over the place even on Vanzilla.
The episode cut to static, but in the static I could make out a man walking his dog, and then throwing it into the river, and calling it a horny corndog before jumping in the river with it. '"Uh? The heck just happened?" I asked as I made Hitler a cup of juicy Jewish spring water.
When Lincoln pulled up outside the Loud House, he was pulled out of the van by an angry Lynn Sr. Rita was not in sight nor were the other Loud House sisters only Lori and Leni were present during this exchange. "You stupid egg!" Lynn yelled, as he took Lincoln over by the arm over to Mr Grouse's house.
They knocked on the front door, and Mr Grouse answered it. He was dressed up as an Nazi sergant. He looked at Lincoln, and yelled, "I've been expecting ya Herr Loud get in here nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Lynn pushed Lincoln inside, and then made out with Grouse for about five solid hours.
When they were done, Lynn left, and Grouse shut the door tight behind him. He turned to face Lincoln, and said, "right boy get to work," as a montage was then shown of Lincoln working for Grouse by cutting his lawn, making his bed, and ironing his socks etc.
When Lincoln went to lie down for a rest, Grouse put a handgun to his head, and said, "time for a shower." Lincoln went into the bathroom, get himself undressed, and then walked into the shower. He turned it on, as green toxic gas began to fill the room. Lincoln began coughing violently, and ran towards the door trying to get it open with all his strength, but it was no use, as Lincoln soon succumed to the toxic gas. Mr Grouse had built himself a gas chamber disguising it as a bathroom!
Mr Grouse then entered the bathroom with a gas mask on, and picked up Lincoln's now lifeless body, and took it downstairs with him towards his basement. He entered the basement, and turned on the light. The things I saw in that room I will never be able to unsee. The Loud sisters cept for Lori and Leni were all lying in there dead. They had all been killed by the poisonous gas. Rita was also there which explains her absence eariler. Grouse looked at Lincoln's face, and said, "a new addition to my collection." He threw Lincoln onto the pile of rotting bodies, and made his way towards the Loud House.
The episode then ended with the wedding of Mr Grouse and Lynn Sr with Leni and Lori serving as bridesmaids while Flip serves as bestman.
The episode then showed no credits instead the DVD flew out of my dvd player, and grew arms and legs. It began running down the streets, and started dancing to the song 'Lean On Me.'
It all became clear to me. Lynn Sr had Mr Grouse kill the mojority of his daughters and Lincoln so he could have enough money for the wedding, and he kept Lori and Leni alive so they could be his bridesmaids. He had Rita killed so he could carry on with his affair with and later marriage to Mr Grouse.
I leaned back only to feel Hitler breathing on my neck, as he said the last four words I'll ever hear, "get in the shower."